Adieu Old Life of Mine, that of London and its familiar haunts, perhaps even adieu to many a familiar face and voice. Strangely, I am not at all sad. The old Me would have bemoaned the loss and tried desperately to figure it out, fix it. I feel at last free from the chains of my former existence. I am happy to acknowledge this new-found state of mind and happily await my return to Australia. But first, a small trip to the homeland - Portugal. Tomorrow is the day.

Thank You Bikram ...

Mindful, purposeful, energising, smile-inducing, a true challenge on a physical level and a spiritual awakening, if you so permit - these are but some of the ways to describe the very beautiful practice of Bikram Yoga. This form of Yoga, if unbeknownst to yourself, comes to life in a heated room of 39 degrees where two very different breathing exercises begin and end the Bikram experience. The remainder of this delightful 90 minute 'hot room' space is comprised of 26 postures, all of which are repeated twice. There is no other way to describe my love for Bikram other than to say - I LOVE BIKRAM. In my lifetime, I have delved into a cornucopia of physical activity, ranging from Samba to regular trips to the gym but nothing has ever captured the true essence that is me until Bikram came into my life. To be fair, Samba is a close second. I mean, what is there not to love about Brazilian music and dance? Samba is hip-swivelling sexy and transports you to the warm and inviting land of Brazil where beauty surrounds you in many forms. But Bikram is an altogether different journey - a journey of introspection and truth, discipline and accomplishment, patience and acceptance among many other things. Why should I be talking about Bikram today? Well, I leave for the UK and Portugal very shortly for my first holiday trip back to Europe and as I am finishing off those last minute packing details, I remember to search on-line for Bikram Yoga centres close to where we will be staying and am delighted to discover that I will be able to partake in and share this unique and humbling experience. And upon this discovery, I felt compelled to share this with you, my diary. Yes, I love Bikram.

Where to from here?

Suffice to say that the stuff of life has been somewhat of a challenge of late but a slight shift has occurred; a calmness, a stillness, a simple appreciation of the beautiful things around me has taken some form of residence. I am starting to emerge from that very dark tunnel,a little dazed, as if I were seeing things for the first time but in equal measure sighing with relief and physically sensing a weight being lifted. In my overly analytical mind, I have questioned why and how and wondered if my emotional ally in the form of Rescue Remedy, wholly endorsed by alternative thinkers, has played its part or whether it is simply a state of mind, as some people believe. Perhaps, endless conversations with friends has contributed or maybe time, the greatest healer of all, has done its rightful work..I would like to think they all have a say in this journey of mine and throw in a large measure of acceptance. Acceptance - now there you have a state of mind. It seems so obvious, doesn't it but for some unknown reason, acceptance only dawned on me not too long ago after many months of feeling so very sad and withdrawn, disorientated and disconnected. Why, you may ask as I asked many a time. Well, it is no secret that I made this gargantuan decision to move to Australia with my family. I don't work anymore, or at least, not in the traditional and more accepted sense. I am a stay-at-home mum with 2 small children - a personal choice after much thought and discussion and I wholeheartedly maintain it is still the right choice for me but even with this knowledge, can you believe that I have struggled? Leaving my old life behind has been harder than I anticipated. My career defined me in no uncertain terms, my environment helped shape me, old friends know me inside out, I basked in a life of stability and comfort and familiarity..Is it any wonder I have had a melt-down then? Is this what they call a mid-life crisis? I always assumed the term mid-life crisis applied solely to the other gender but alas..no..it appears that we lovely women can easily fit the bill. So ,where to now? A month ago, the very question would have sent me into a panic-stricken space but today, it does not feel so urgent or necessary to come up with the answer. I am comfortable to sit and ponder and toy with different ideas and play them out in my mind. I feel excited at the prospect of new ventures. How fortunate am I? I can also just be..That in itself is a freedom I have too often taken for granted. Accepting that I don't always have the answers is a good space to inhabit. I think I may sit here for a while.

Books..........

Reading and more reading - that is where I am at after a pretty long day tending to the daily demands of everyday living..Can you ever read enough? I read so much during my University days and then very sadly, left all that behind and found it replaced by work, or rather a career. We won't bother focussing on that but needless to say, I am back where I was in my mid 20's!!!! Yah for me and all those who can relate...So, something very light-hearted but with intrinsic messages hidden between the lines..The Idle Parent by Tom Hodgkinson. I have laughed so much..Thank you Tom!!!! A parenting book, if I dare call it that. A rejection of so many imposed ideas and it is simply refreshing. Ok, so some of it, in my opinion, is tongue-in-cheek and maybe some ideas are just not very feasible with our particular characters, well at least mine.. But I just love the way he so flippantly casts so many things to one side and thus relieving the pressure off without all that ridiculously self-inflicted guilt!!!!!!!!!!! Read it..I don't think like-minded people will disagree with much of what Tom Hodgkinson has to say..And for the ever-curious..read it anyway..Another book to your repertoire..

It has been a long day - a day of much reflection - even though the sun has yet to make its daily exit here in the Southern Hemisphere. I use the word ' sun ' very loosely as anyone living in Melbourne will tell you. Seriously, I thought moving to Australia would provide me with more sunlight but here we are heading towards Summer and I can safely say that today was as cold as any Winter's day I have experienced in both Hemispheres. Bring on the sunshine, please!!!!!

So, yes, a day of reflection whilst listening to a Kizomba compilation. Kizomba is a genre of music from the land of Angola and is often sung in Portuguese. It has its origins in Zouk music which is the popular sound of the Caribbean and is mixed with those sensual African rhythmic beats. Go ahead, google it and have a listen!!! I am absolutely IN LOVE with Kizomba and more poignantly, it takes me back to my homeland of Portugal. All around you, young and old tune in to these uplifting and sexy lyrics. The music pulsates and you pulsate along with it..

Reflecting on why people move from their birthplace seeking new horizons, new meaning, new people, new adventures on their life journey, reflecting on the wanderlust so inherently me. I used to think it was a beautiful quality to possess and could never understand why people didn't feel the urge to get out there and discover. But to all those aspiring travellers/discoverers or whatever you may wish to call yourselves, the wanderlust brings its own heartache. You miss family and friends, the familiarity of frequented venues, the distinctive smell of a city ( for all you Tugas out there, is there anything more definitive than the smell of Lisbon, I ask you ? ) your favourite culinary dishes enjoyed with your favourite aperitif, digestif and whatever the word is for an alcoholic beverage consummed after a meal and of course, let us not forget the music.

A day of reflection. Today I favoured the familiar. Perhaps tomorrow will have a different set of eyes.

All is well....

Heathcote Shiraz 2008 is the drink of the evening or as my son so rightfully pointed out to me earlier on in his very eloquent three-year old Portuguese "vinho tinto mae". For those non-linguists out there, just plain old red wine. By no stretch of the imagination do I profess to be a wine connoisseur but this is indeed a fine choice. A perfect end to a good week, a satisfying week, a week of parks and beach and some sun with a little bit of rain but hey, it is only water and lots of scrummy coffees. Yes, scrummy - perhaps an odd choice of an adjective but for today, scrummy will do, unless you can come up with something that makes me go - yes!!!! That is the adjective!!! A week of laughter and smiles and getting-to-know conversations and a little bit of culture thrown in for small measure. An Italian film - Marriage and other Disasters - one of many to pick from the Lavazza Italian Film Festival. I LOVED every second of this film - the cinematography, the ability to capture the very essence of a place, those sweet and sun-soaked Italian vineyards which made me want to enjoy a glass of Italy, Florence too, I believe - at least, it looked like Florence to me - those colourful houses sporting the best windows with the best views. I love the unpredictability of European films because they portray life as it really is, one very big shade of grey. Women are portayed as real women. I know that means differently depending on the woman you talk to. But for me, it is the fact that they are not necessarily always so very young and perfectly beautiful and carry the body that you have always dreamed of owning ( yes, I do at times say - ah, yes, that would be nice ) but seriously and more importantly, that they have a presence, live by a code even if you totally disagree with it, that they may even challenge the accepted social norm, be opinionated to the extent of annoyance but still, so very likeable and even very loveable. The film reminds you to laugh at yourself. It is about friendship, life's disappointments and successes.. If you want a heart-felt giggle, this feel good experience is definitely worth your time.
This has been such a good good week!

Coco Loco - a recommendation definitely worth pursuing. Located on High Street in Northcote,this true marvel is sure to please all crazed chocolate fans. Chocolate- inspired cocktails and a 'mousse au chocolat' that very literally melts on the palate and leaves nothing to the imagination. The decor is inviting, a snapshot of a time in people's lives. A bar splashback which ordinarily never makes for interesting conversation but this one got me thinking about how creative we could be in our kitchen at home..Everything about this venue made me smile.

A Start

Lately, wondering around rather aimlessly - no better way to decribe the feeling than being cut at the umbilical cord but amazingly and surprisingly enough, I don't feel as bad today now that I am beginning to understand where I am, how I feel - all the usual cliches attached to any emotional self-understanding..Blah blah...I have started to open up and invariably the burden of emotionally-charged feelings are easier to handle. Because, in fact, you quickly discover that many are in the same boat and are trying to make sense of it all too. So, onto the next step, I ask myself - maybe? I am not a writer, as I am sure you can tell, but I do find it is a great outlet, a marvellously rich way of releasing energy. Like so many people out there, I have a real love for many things but perhaps only a few passions and I am starting to think I may even have it in me to start a blog on a passion..Now there is a thought..

New addition

After a long day tending to my chidren, both of whom are sick with Gastro - you know it is Gastro, I think, when the washing machine has been going for 2 days non-stop!!!! and there is a lingering acidic aroma to your home sweet home, I spoke to my younger cousin who is now mummy to 2. It was quite literally a perfect moment as the Skype camera zoomed in and I was able to look at his every feature as if he were in my arms..Life is miraculous..It really is..

Bridging the gap

I think I might look back at this blog in time to come and come to understand that it played a big part in where I am heading. My head is full of stuff, ideas, emotions, opinions, life experiences, stories, captured moments and I want to create something out of it..I still have no idea what though. In a way, this is the diary I never started.

Not what you think..

Anyone reading my posts is likely to think I am a pretty negative person. Truth be known, I am quite the opposite. I love life, I love people, I love challenges and the lessons we draw from them. Well, maybe I love challenges more with hindsight. In any case, I am not one to shy away from difficulties. But, like all people from different walks of life, I need a helping hand. Moving to Australia has left me feeling displaced and lonely and of course, hankering over the life and more importantly, the people I left behind but I am determined to find my place here and carve out a new and fulfilling and purposeful life..

A good feeling

Do you ever feel like there is so much more out there for you to do and discover, more people to converse with, more stuff to learn? I am definitely having one of those moments this evening..Busily reading different articles, checking out new and exciting blogs, thinking about what the next step might be..Still a blank canvas but a canvas nevertheless..

Ache

I woke up aching this morning..Not the kind of ache you would associate with the Flu and fix with a double dose of Nurofen. Homesick is what I feel today. I have got on with my day, I have put on a brave face and naturally I have told anyone that has asked how I am feeling that I am OK. Well, what else am I going to tell them? Who wants to listen to the outsider anyway? I have at least admitted it to you..

Looking for my tribe..

I am finding it difficult to meet like-minded people. Moving to the other side of the world does that. This journey is perhaps a little more arduous than I care to admit. Surrounding myself with people is easily done but I can still feel incredibly lonely. I have even found myself feeling nothing, numb. Should it really be this difficult, I question?

When you think you have it all covered, life tells you otherwise.

A cold morning with a too -bright sun making driving a more challenging than normal activity was the start to my day. I am new to this thing you call driving. Calmly without thought or emotion I made my weekly trip to a local market characterised by vibrancy, colour, foreign faces and tongues - some of the things I look for on this journey I call my life. The mechanical motion of switching the car engine off coincided with the overwhelming realisation that I had left my old life behind, once divided between two far-away lands. It isn't the first time I have been caught with my guard down although you would never have thought it had you witnessed the calm slip away. Many times I have deliberately pondered my decision to move country and asked the forever frustrating Why and come up with something or nothing. Today was not one of those conversations. Today's experience came from ' out there ', whatever that might actually be for you or I today. From way up high, a gentle force reminded me where I was without permission.

Making a difference once again

So long since I last taught and finally there is someone who needs my help..Really excited about this new chapter..I really think things will be different this time..Always good to feed the soul.

The First Step

I was in an infinite abyss of nothing for so long.